maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
