White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
