I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
