But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
