after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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