i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
