Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
