I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
