i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
