Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
