Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
