So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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