Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
