If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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