Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
