I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
