Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
