You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
