Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
