why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize