It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
