my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
