I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
