If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
