k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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