Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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