so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
