Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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