the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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