i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
