cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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