Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Acid is not a monday night drug
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
