if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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