the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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