Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
