we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
