Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
