haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
