May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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