JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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