why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize