I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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