The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
