I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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