did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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