Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
