We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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