actually, I'm a sock model
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
