And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
