Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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