There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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