"it" just moved
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
