Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
