My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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