Christians are straight up FREAKS
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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