I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
