Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
