We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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