your parents love me but you hate me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
