She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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