Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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