Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
