My friends, they love my intelligence
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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