time to smoke my breakfast
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
