Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
