i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's like God shit irony all over that family
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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