I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
