some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
