It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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