The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
