I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
