Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
