don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
