my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
